


For You Who Want My Despair

by 101WingedWarrior101



Category: GOT7
Genre: Angst, Cancer, Jinmark, M/M, Markjin, Suicide, T.T, sob
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-24
Updated: 2016-12-24
Packaged: 2018-09-11 17:04:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,048
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8999410
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/101WingedWarrior101/pseuds/101WingedWarrior101
Summary: What would you do if the one you loved left.... forever?





	

Have you ever woken up to cold skin next to you?

Have you ever woken up to a chest with no heartbeat?

Have you ever woken up to a mouth with no breath?

Have you ever woken up to skin with no life left in it?

Have you ever woken up fom a dream and found yourself in a nightmare?

\--------------------

There are moments.

They can be harmless, passing by without even a thought.

They can be missed with the blink of an eye, passed by forever.

Or they can change your life.

For better or for worse.

For good or for bad.

\------------------

People say it's for the best.

Others say it was time.

But time for what?

\--------------------

No one understands.

They say they do.

Yet they put on an act unconsciously.

Put on an act that the broken see right through.

Yet they don't notice that the broken notice.

\--------------------

When you wake up next to someone you love, it's an amazing feeling.

You want to smother them in kisses.

Cuddle them forever.

Drown them in your love.

But what if they are already drowned?

\-------------------

Some things are beyond your control.

They can be small things, like the way a butterfly flaps it's wings.

Or they can be huge things.

Like Life and Death.

\------------------

Time is an odd concept.

When you are waiting for something, time seems to go faster or slower.

If you are waiting for something good to happen, time slows down.

If you are waiting for something bad to happen, time speeds up.

Time is an ilusion.

\-------------------

When he shifts closer to his love, he knows something is wrong.

The skin is ice-cold.

There is no breathing against his neck.

\----------------

Mark keeps screaming his name, the name of the one who held him tight at night.

The one who caressed the scars marring Mark's skin.

The one who made the pain go away.

The one who was the reason he was alive.

The one who loved him.

\----------------

Footsteps.

Lights.

Screaming.

Sobbing.

\----------------

He died painlessly, they said.

Without suffering, they said.

But how could he trust them?

Not when they had already lied to him once.

\----------------

What was the point anymore?

Why should he get a hearbeat?

Why should he still have breath in his lungs?

Why should he still have blood running through his veins?

Why should he still have the gift of life?

Jinyoung didn't.

\------------------

Life is an illusion.

Life is fleeting, not even the smallest dent in the entirety of the universe.

People say that the pupose of life is to leave a mark on the earth.

Even if it's only on one person.

But he didn't see the point.

People will die.

Memories never passed down.

If you make a huge dent, it will still be covered up through the ages until it's no longer visible.

So why even try?

\-------------------

When people make mistakes, they can change the course of someone's life.

A slip of a hand can cause a finger to be chopped off.

An agreement with the wrong person.

An argument with the wrong person.

Not going to get treatment when you have a wounds.

Your life can depend on a split second.

And the choice you make is not always the right one.

\--------------

There had been no signs.

No warnings.

Until the worse came.

Killing Jinyoung slowly.

\----------------

Sometimes Mark would wonder why Jinyoung would ever even want to be near him.

Much less be friends with him.

And even less, love him.

Jinyoung was like prefect in human form.

He could sing, dance, rap, do flips, speak more than one language fluently, act well, and always got A's in school.

Add that with how attractive he was, and everyone wanted to be his.

Yet he turned down the ones equal to him, that were handsome and smart and everything that Jinyoung was, for Mark.

Marl felt like a potato next to this living perfection.

Why him?

He had wondered what the price of this would be.

Nothing like that could have lasted forever.

He always thought that Jinyoung would find someone better than Mark and desert him for that amazing person, because Mark was like a candle held before a bonfire compared to those people.

Yet this was worse, because Mark knew that there was no chance of getting Jinyoung back.

He couldn't even talk to him anymore.

\---------------

The doctors weren't able to save him.

The cancer had gotten past the early stages without any treatment, and was well on it's way destroying Jinyoung.

They could only hope.

The doctors had given him a two-year prediction for living.

They barely got two months.

\-----------------

Mark was cleaning the closet when he found the note.

On the small white paper.

It was addressed to him, in a handwriting all too familiar.

 

Mark,

My love.

If you are reading this, It means I already not in the world

Leaving the pieces of our memories.

I didn't want this to happen.

I didn't want to leave you.

I'm sorry that it happened this way.

I wish I could stay with you forever.

But that's not our fate.

If I could change anything in my life, it would be not going sooner to the doctor

I wouldn't give you up for the world.

But we'll see each other soon.

Or, our souls will.

I look forward to that time.

But for now, spend your time doing good things.

Making memories.

Spending time with those you love.

Because soon you may not be able to do that.

I love you more than you will ever know, more than anyone could understand, more than the universe could hold.

Love, Jinyoung.

\---------------

Mark tried.

He really did.

But that depressing sadness hung over him still.

And eventually, he didn't try anymore.

\----------------

The note fluttered in the wind.

Everything was perfect.

Mark had said his last goodbyes, written the words that would explain it all.

He felt calm.

No remorse, no guilt.

Tilting his face up toward the sky, he inhaled.

And breathed out.

Watching the clock hand turn to 11:59 PM, he walked closer.

The chilly breeze rocked him.

And the clock struck 12.

Stepping forward into nothingness, he felt gravity overtake him, but yet only felt peace on the inside.

I'll be with you soon, My Love.

\--------------

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everyone~!  
> This is my pre-Christmas gift to you all, and I hope you enjoy!  
> To those who don't celebrate Christmas, Happy Holidays~!  
> Also, please tell me how I did X3 Agnst isn't really my forte, but I tried my best ^^  
> Thank you for uzumakin094 for beta-ing~!!!   
> I hope you enjoy and thank you for reading~!  
> Warrior out!  
> PS: Me and two other close friends of mine started a tiny request group called Mayoungyu!  
> It's a no-charge shop, purely existing for your enjoyment~!  
> Feel free to check it out~  
> We are on AFF, AO3, Wattpad, and Tumblr.  
> It doesn't matter what you want, we do any genre, band, and OC or ship ^^  
> We'll do our best for you all ^-^  
> Thank you and saranghae~! <3


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